Trust In Your Path.

I was sent this amazing quote today and it really hit home for me. I'm so content with my life and the people in it that no words really could suffice this feeling. This quote gets pretty close though and I wanted to share it with you all. Enjoy :)

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where

you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that

are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have

received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be

content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into

your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us."

Smile, life is beautiful.

We Are Human.

It has been quite some time since my last post and I regretfully apologize for slacking. Though, I would love to say that I have been extremely busy and at a loss for free time, that is not the case. The loss here would be the unsettling lack of creativity in my life or furthermore, the struggle to think deeply about subjects or events that normally would capture my imagination. I have finally reappeared and as sit here in my dark hallway, The Kooks in the background playing softly, I am ready to write until I cannot think of anything else uplifting to write about. So here it goes...the other night as I lay in bed worrying about useless things, a thought captured my mind. Now, this happens quite frequently due to my insomnia, which I will quickly accredit to my mother. Though this is an annoying common occurrence, at times it heightens my thoughts, thoughts so clear I find myself running for the closest pen and pad of paper. I began thinking about mistakes. I've felt more recently that this topic is one that is very abundant in my life and the life of others closest to me. What is it about mistakes that make us feel so defeated? Yes, we fail sometimes. We make bad choices. We hurt others and ourselves. But we are human, doesn't anybody see that? As I began digging deeper into my thoughts, one struck me harder than any slap on the wrist, law-breaking fine, or hurtful word ever could. Were these mistakes supposed to happen? Now, for those of you that are uncomfortable with spirituality, you might want to quit reading this right now, matter of fact maybe you just shouldn't read any of my blog posts. I will always attribute anything miraculous and life changing to the spiritually gifted- in whatever form that may come. Anyway, back to what I was saying...are these mistakes things someone planned for us? Do they lead us down the path we were intended to walk? Or vice versa? Did we learn from our mistakes or push them further into our minds to be forgotten? Now, you can form your own opinions about these questions. In fact, I encourage you to do so. However, I've come to the conclusion that yes, these mistakes were created far before we were ever born. Our life was beautifully crafted with ups and downs, mistakes and triumphs, love and heartache and every one of these only leads us to who we were created to be-someone different from everyone else. If we choose to act cowardly and run away from our mistakes, shoving them in the back of our memory bank and hoping to forget about the cringing choices we once made, where does that put us on our path? On a completely different one, one that will not lead us to become the individual God created. The point of mistakes was not to defeat us, take the wind out of our sails or make us hit rock bottom. It was meant to challenge us, push us into a realm of instability, and force us to grow as individuals. What would life be without pain or sorrow? Change or growth? Success or failure? It wouldn't be life at all, just a ferris wheel going round and round, same scenery, same rise and fall, same passengers. So are you going to remain on the ride that never climaxes, one that never makes you so scared you feel weak in your knees, a ride that fails to change direction quickly making you sick to your stomach; or are you going to jump off. Jump into the unknown fairground called life. This fairground that offers you rides you've never been on, people you've never met, and experiences that could potentially change your life. Submission doesn't make us weak, being a coward does. So accept your failures, turn them into something positive and live your life with a smile on your face. Far too often we focus our attention on the past, a glance back every once in a while only reminds us where we've been and where we want to go. Living in the past however, only hinders our future. Mistakes do not break you, they make you who you are. Remind yourself of that whenever you find yourself dwelling and remember you are human.

The Law of Love.

It's Monday of week 6 and midterms are in the near future but I can't for the life of me seem to sit down and actually read my textbooks or go over notes. It feels nearly impossible because my mind is spinning a 100 mph in every other direction but school. I guess that is normal for the middle of the term and it being springtime but this does not do a great deal for my grades. So, here's procrastination at its best. Today, I sat diligently trying to read my Business Law book. I was exploring the various concepts of the laws and how they don't have to be applied in uniform ways. Individuals practicing Natural Law could virtually apply only the laws that they see fit for themselves and their moral compass- without regards to others and how this may affect them. This got me thinking, we have laws against theft, abuse, murder, etc. all these terrible things that we can do onto others, but why don't we have a Law of Love? I've been noticing more recently how ignorant we can be towards the ones we care about. Why is it that when times are hard, stress is at its highest and patience dwindling to nothing; we take it out on the people closest to us? Why is it that we feel we have to constantly test those in our life? You know what I'm talking about, whether it be our significant other that we purposely make jealous or pick fights with in order to be reminded just how much they DO love us. Or to our parents when we feel their attention is focused on something other than us, we'll do something drastic so we will be reassured that we are still important and worthy of thoughtful reminders. Or to our best friends who neglect to reassure us that they still care after the newness has worn off, we pick fights, we say mean things, we do anything and everything to be reminded just how much they DO still care. Its disgusting, but we all do it. Regardless of your gender, age, race, maturity level etc. it is still apparent. You're thinking now about the times you may have done this and probably wondering "why?"- the answer is mutual dependency. When depending on someone, you increase your vulnerability and in turn also increase your possibility for pain. For those of us whom dislike giving up any power and curl up at the thought of becoming vulnerable, this explains perfectly why we push away the ones we love. I am one of those people. I am extremely good at being angry, but terrible at being sad/vulnerable and the Law of Love is something I need to learn to apply in my life. The Law of Love may be interpreted in many different ways, but I will define it as "opening your heart and setting aside your fears, previous pain, or anger for those you truly care about." Life is too short to spend pointless hours being angry with our significant others, potential significant others, family members, close friends or even strangers for that matter. Why not apply the Law of Love to your life and when times get hard and anger surfaces-hit the gym, distance yourself from others, or write like I do. These are much better alternatives than saying hasty things that you can't take back because people may forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. This week I am going to test myself. I will count every time I begin to feel angry but catch myself before I say anything I can never take back. I will step back, take a look at the situation from a different point of view and hopefully make a better choice than my initial reaction. I challenge you to do the same, I bet our results will be startling. Whether you accept this challenge or not, I hope you keep in mind The Law of Love and apply it in your life how you see fit. Remember, we get to make our own choices but we also have to live with the repercussions. Love those close to you, and never forget to tell them how much you truly DO care, because you never know when you might lose the chance to tell them at all. Have a beautiful week everyone!

Best,

Spring Cleaning.

It is finally Springtime, a season I have been so desperately needing. With it came the abundance of arrivals and changes that leave me with a nostalgic feeling of refreshment. The cherry trees are sharing their beautiful pink pedals with us on our cars and sidewalks, the sunshine trying so diligently to break through those dark Oregon clouds, and the ample smell of freshly cut lawns filling our nostrils- a beautiful preview to what the summer will hold. Though all these picturesque shifts in our environment should signify change and detraction from the pain previously surrounding us; that is not always the case. These past couple of weeks I've felt suffocated by pain and sorrow. Whether it be my own troubles squandering my daily thoughts, my family's uncertainty with current troubles, or close friends seeking the blue skies they wish to see again; hope seems to be dwindling away. Why is this? Shouldn't the sunshine and natural vitamin d bring a lush feeling of happiness? Or the closeness of summer and freedom from school or work set us at ease? Perhaps, the reminder of being reunited with loved ones will ignite our internal fire? Though these grammatically correct and poetic visuals I've created for you sound beautiful and attainable, they really aren't. Our surroundings cannot decide for us how our day, week, or life will turn out. Yes, the sunshine is an irreplaceable hook that may pull us out of bed every morning, but the real lure is your willingness to cognitively adapt to your surroundings. Every day holds the possibility for beauty, no matter how dark or bleak it may seem. Irrelevant are the troubles weighing you down or the sadness you are afflicting upon yourself. Wake up! Life is too short to spend your days sulking or feeling sorry for the means presented to you. I am sure in your eyes things could be far different, but that eagerness for a "better" you will consistently remain until you change what you have control over. Yes, you could have more money, a special relationship you are so desperately desiring, a career you might absolutely love, or "just one more chance to prove yourself" in whatever field that may be relevant. The point being is you cannot change the past and you cannot alter the choices you made or didn't make so why spend your time negatively thinking about the different paths your life COULD have taken, 'could' being the operative word. A saying I have used a lot recently and something I truly believe in is: "You cannot control the cards you have been dealt, but you can control how you play them." Something about this strikes a chord in me, it awakens my thoughts and forces me to dream outside of my body, away from my comfortable box of theories i've collected over the years. I believe you are only limited by your ability to think outside the realm of possibility. The ability to make excellent choices is the cornerstone of a highly successful person. Rather than dwell on bad choices i've made in the past, I focus on the future knowing that though I may have failed, I am not a failure. No person, medication or environment change could alter how I look at my life and the possibilities it may hold. I am the captain to my own ship in the sea of life and if my boat sinks, I have no one to blame but myself. Every hole can be patched up with an opportunity to change-whether you decide to patch your broken boat up or let it sink to the depths of nothingness is up to you. I am lucky I have the most amazing family and friends to help me patch up the holes life has created for me. I couldn't ask for anything else, though the feeling of being unconditionally loved is intangible, the support they give me is a comfort I feel on a daily basis. I only hope you as well share this feeling and have the inner strength to overcome any hole in your life, no matter how big or how small it may be. Life is beautiful, embrace every second of it.

Life Is Suffering.

My life has been changing drastically this year, 2011 is throwing me curve balls I had not anticipated and I'd like to say my reactions have been poised and methodical but i'd be lying if I said that. I've reacted like a small child, running home whenever I can, calling my father 5 times a day just to cry and ask for advice I know I won't listen to, throwing hissy fits when things don't go my way. This is definitely not a shining moment for me, nor did I anticipate a week after turning 20 that I would become more childish, isn't is supposed to be the other way around? When I wrote my new years resolutions for 2011, one of those was being happy and doing things for myself; something I seem to had forgotten in 2010. Well its now February and I have successfully completed none of them. As I laid in bed last night and realized this, my first thought was "where should I start?" and as I tried to prioritize my resolutions from most important to least important, I couldn't do it. They are all so important to me, and things I need in my life right now. As I previously mentioned, life has been kicking me in the stomach lately(for lack of a better term), my grandfather has become very ill with this terrible thing..i'll call it cancer. For his 64th birthday all my family whom I haven't seen in 5+ years arrived in San Antonio, Tx (his residence) to surprise him since this will very possibly be his last. Though the occasion was one of sadness, it helped me in so many ways. Seeing my family together for the first time in 10 years made me so happy, a happiness that no man, movie, or friend could offer me. It saddens me that it took this to bring us all together but the look on my grandpa's face made it all worth while. His tears were mine as I could see how much this really meant to him. Leaving was the hardest thing I have yet to do, knowing that it could be the last time I would get to kiss him and tell him how much he means to me. Though you'd think the 8 hours of flying alone might be one filled with tears, it was, but with tears of happiness. I had been awoken, shaken, and pushed out of the realm of sadness or disbelief in myself. I realized that my life had become so materialistic, that my priorities were skewed and I had inadvertently placed myself on a new path, one I hadn't wished for. While I was out living the "college experience", I was missing out on chances to tell my family how much they mean to me, I neglected to follow my heart and attend church every Sunday like I had started the year wishing, and most importantly, I was doing absolutely nothing for myself. I woke up this morning with the desire to change every aspect of my life. I decided that I am over the constant partying and staying out late intaking liquids that only hinder my health the next day. I want to change everything because I am discontent with my life right now, which happens to be something I battle on a daily basis but I've never been so disconnected with my dreams and my attitude about my life. Church will be my first priority on Sunday mornings, for this has been a dream of mine for years now. Getting involved in something on campus is an important thing to me, my life used to be all about helping others but I lost that in my first year here. Probably the biggest change I can't wait to make, is finding an internship out of state for the summer. I have this strong urge that I cannot deny any longer to get out and experience something else while networking in the business field. All of these things are so important to me, things I need for myself right now and even though life has thrown me continuous trash without giving me a second to try and sort it all out, I am grateful for the pain because without pain the weak become weaker. I am learning in my philosophy class that life is suffering, suffering is caused my desire and the only way to overcome suffering is to cease desirability. Well, I will never be content, I will continuously desire more and more because I have dreams and if that means I in turn will suffer, bring it on. Life is suffering and trying to arrange, control and manipulate conditions so as to always get what we want, always hear what we want to hear, always see what we want to see, so that we never have to experience unhappiness or despair, is a hopeless task. Life is ever-changing, it is impermeable and will continue to throw us curve balls but it is all about how we take the good with the bad and if we can take something so painful and detrimental and turn it into something positive. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Make your choice wisely.

Courage Is..

There are days when I can do nothing to express how I am feeling, words cease to explain and for days like these, I turn to music. Here is one of my favorite songs, something that was shared with me years ago. It gives me hope, I hope it touches you in someway as well. Enjoy. ♥

Take all my vicious words,

And turn them into something good.

Take all my preconceptions,

And let the truth be understood.

Take all my prized possessions,

Leave only what I need.

Take all my pieces of doubt,

And let me be what's underneath.

Courage is when you're afraid,

But you keep on moving anyway.

Courage is when you're in pain,

But you keep on living anyway.

We all have excuses why,

Living in fear something in us dies.

Like a bird with broken wings,

Its not how high he flies,

But the song he sings.

Courage is when you're afraid,

But you keep on moving anyway.

Courage is when you're in pain,

But you keep on living anyway.

You keep on living anyway.

It's not how many times you've been knocked down,

It's how many times you get back up.

Courage is when you've lost your way,

But you find your strength anyway.

Courage is when you're afraid.
Courage is when it all seems grey.

Courage is when you make a change,

And you keep on living anyway.

You keep on moving anyway.

You keep on giving anyway.

You keep on loving anyway.

With love,

Life Is Not A Sprint, But A Marathon.

It has been quite some time since my last post, things in my life have been hectic for the last couple of months. Many disappointments, many triumphs but most importantly, lots of experiences. I have been so fortunate in my life to have been blessed with financial security to do virtually whatever I wished, support and comfort to achieve my goals, but most of all love, lots of love. My family is so important to me and I am realizing that more more as my days away from home continue to grow. Over the last 5 months, I have been battling an auto-immune system disease that has taken me to places I had never wished to go, lows I thought I couldn't find and placed me in a hole that kept growing out of my control. I am finally at a place where I can accept it, I can admit what happened to others and I'm ready to leave this part of my life behind in the past. Though this disease turned my life upside down, changed who I was for the time being, and made me, for the first time ever in my life, insecure; I would not have taken it back for a thing. I have been humbled and have experienced growth in myself as a person I thought I didn't need. I know everything in life happens for a reason and for the first 4 months of this ordeal, I forgot that. I was so bitter, so depressed and was ready to throw in the towel. But the only thing that kept me going were my friends and family who saw what this had made me as a person and kept forcing me forward when I was dragging my feet. At times when I thought my life was over, I realized that there are people out there suffering with much worse. People without family, people without financial security to fight these health battles but more importantly, people without hope. Whenever you find yourself in a position of distress or at a loss of hope, just remember that everything happens for a reason, these struggles are so important to who we are. I know I forgot this and I am so glad I finally woke up and decided I was not going to live this way anymore. Life is not a sprint, its a marathon. You may find yourself taking the wrong turn, slowing down at times, and even colliding with reality, but in the end all your mistakes will lead you to YOUR finish line. Because we all have our paths in life, our own struggles and our own happy ending. You just need to make peace with that and have hope that everything will turn out positively whether it feels that way or not. Regardless of where we are in our marathons, how poor/great our health is, or where we stand with loved ones; life is beautiful and we really are beyond lucky to be alive for these moments. Whether they be happy, sad, full of anger, or dealing with loss; just remember it could always be far worse. Hope everyone had a great start to their week!

With lots of love,